so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
