Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
