i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
