oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
