i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..