I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
