He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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