I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
