So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
