No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
