i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
