U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
