aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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