so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Did I show you my penis last night?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
