Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
