And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize