I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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