you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
