Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
