The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
