Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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