i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
