bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
