There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
