the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
