AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
That accounts for only three of the penises
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
