every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
