Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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