I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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