Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
