i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
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How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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