before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
