the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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