Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
