But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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