Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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