I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
my poor anus
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
