brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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