I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just invented taco cereal.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
