I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Vodka?
Forever.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
