Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
