I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
