so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
she peed on how many people?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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