A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
