Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
