tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
