I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Houston, we have a squirter
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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