Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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