I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
