I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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