We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
