I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
