Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
