I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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