I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
