i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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