We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
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Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
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Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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