let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
