was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
