he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
whose parrot is this?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize