he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
