Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there was a trapeze. enough said
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
