i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Come see our sink grown plant.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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