I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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