You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
