god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
