pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
